32. Re-Parenting Yourself: The Secret to Stopping Your Inner Toddler From Sabotaging Your Business

Snapping at yourself, avoiding the tasks you know would help your business, and wondering why you just can't do the thing?

While exploring how to “be the boss of me” as a business owner, I had a harsh realization: my inner toddler was running the show. And it turns out the same parenting techniques that worked on my kids, work on grown-up resistance too.

Here’s how re-parenting myself is helping me get out of my own way and build the business I actually want.

The Lightbulb Moment

This whole realization started when a friend was venting about her elementary school kid, who was demanding things like a tiny dictator. "Go get me water!" No please, no thank you, just commands.

I laughed because all three of my kids went through this exact phase around the same age. It's completely normal, though wildly irritating when you're doing everything for this little human and they act like you're their personal assistant.

But as I was sharing the parenting strategies I'd used to get through that phase, something clicked: I should be using these exact same techniques on myself.

What Doesn't Work (On Kids OR Yourself)

Let me share what I tried with my kids that completely failed:

Physical intervention. I learned this lesson in a Target bathroom when my very pregnant self tried to stop my toddler from sticking her hands in the little metal box on the stall wall. She paused, looked me dead in the eyes with a little smile, and reached for it anyway. I swiped her hand away. She looked shocked... then hit my hand right back. Lesson learned: physicality doesn't work.

Logic and explanations. I tried sitting my kids down and rationally explaining why manners matter. They'd stare at me with glazed eyes. Too many words, not enough action. They just started tuning me out.

Nagging. The constant reminders phase. "Remember to say please." "Don't forget thank you." "Be polite." My kids became experts at not hearing me. It was like I was speaking to a wall.

Comparison. I'd see other parents on the playground point out what other kids were doing. "See how Tommy goes up and talks to people?" I never felt good about that approach. It felt like a fast track to shame and insecurity - for everyone involved.

What Actually Works: Two Simple Techniques

After all those failed experiments, I stumbled on two approaches that changed everything.

Technique #1: Selective Ignoring + Positive Reinforcement

Kids crave attention. When my kids would demand things rudely, I realized they were just trying to get a reaction from me.

So I flipped the script.

When they'd yell "Mom, get me water!" I'd just... keep doing whatever I was doing. Washing dishes, reading, whatever. They'd escalate. "MOM! Didn't you hear me?!"

I'd keep ignoring until they either figured it out or got frustrated enough that I could say: "Oh, were you trying to get my attention? I'm sorry, I don't hear very well until I hear the word please."

They'd roll their eyes. "Ugh, PLEASE."

And when that happened, I'd light up like it was Christmas morning. "Oh my gosh, it's just music to my ears! I love it so much when you use kind words with me. I'm so happy to get you water!"

Was it an act? Absolutely. Did they know it was an act? Probably. Did it work? 100%.

They started associating polite requests with better outcomes than being ignored or yelled at.

Technique #2: The Magic Question

The second technique was even simpler. When the shenanigans started, instead of lecturing about rudeness, I'd just ask:

"Is acting this way going to get you what you want?"

No emotion. No preamble. Just genuine curiosity.

Kids aren't dumb. They know the answer and they're just testing boundaries.

Sometimes they'd get snarky and say yes. Then I'd calmly explain that from my perspective, it wasn't working, because I didn't feel inclined to help someone who wasn't using kind words.

Most of the time, they'd realize their approach wasn't working and rephrase their request. Then I'd move on immediately, dose them with positive energy, and not dwell on the earlier rudeness.

Applying This to Myself

I recently had a coaching session scheduled that I absolutely did NOT want to attend. My brain was throwing a full-scale tantrum:

• "I don't need help right now"
• "I have too much on my to-do list"
• "What could she possibly tell me that I don't already know?"
• "Real progress is checking things off my list, not sitting in a coaching session"

Then I caught myself.

I asked: If I were someone who was successfully building the business of my dreams, how would she be spending her day?

The answer was obvious: She'd go to Pilates at 6 AM and she'd attend her coaching session.

I literally stared at myself in the mirror while brushing my teeth and thought, "Damn it. That means I have to go."

I was SO resentful. I even left my coach a message complaining about having to attend the session I'd signed up for weeks ago.

But here's what happened: Once we got into the session, all that resistance melted away. I was on the cusp of some deeper realizations, and my subconscious was throwing a fit because it didn't want to face them.

My inner toddler was running the show.

Re-Parenting Myself in Business

So here's what I'm doing now:

When I'm rude to myself — snapping at my reflection, calling myself lazy or stupid — I'm ignoring that voice. Just like I'd ignore my kid demanding water without saying please.

When I do something aligned with who I want to become — like going to that coaching session or tackling a scary task — I'm dosing myself with positive reinforcement. Celebrating it. Making it feel good.

When I'm throwing a tantrum about doing something I know I should do, I'm asking myself the magic question: "Is acting this way going to get you what you want?"

The answer is always no.

And somehow, when I think of my resistance as just a child version of myself misbehaving, it becomes easier to not take it so seriously. I don't need to yell at it or nag it.

I just need to stay focused on what I actually want — building a business that helps women physicians create the careers of their dreams — and use these two simple tools: selective ignoring and positive reinforcement.

Your Turn

Where do you need some re-parenting?

Where is your inner toddler running the show, demanding things, throwing fits, or sabotaging what you actually want?

I'd love to hear from you. Email me at [email protected] and tell me your stories!