24. Why Self-Care Felt Irritating (Until This Finally Clicked)
Dec 24, 2025
Self-care has always felt a bit... off.
For years, I rolled my eyes at the whole concept. Between climbing the corporate ladder with three kids under five and a mountain of responsibilities, self-care felt indulgent, surface-level, and honestly… kind of annoying.
But here's what I figured out: I wasn't wrong about how self-care was being sold to us. I was just missing what it actually means.
Why Self-Care Felt Like BS
As a Gen Xer, I didn't grow up hearing people talk about taking care of themselves. Between the never-ending to-do list, the kids, and everything else demanding my attention, focusing on myself felt like a luxury I couldn't afford.
But the real issue at play here is that society and advertising took a good concept and made it shallow.
Every example of self-care I saw was about luxury items like manicures, massages, or spa days. Surface-level stuff that was always marketed to women, while men talked about "recovery" or "relaxation" without the same undertones of indulgence.
And don't even get me started on the "miracle morning" advice from single men without kids telling me to meditate, exercise, and cold plunge before 10 AM. I was just trying to get three humans dressed and out the door by 7:30.
I hit a wall when I was working full-time with three little kids. I was climbing the ladder, taking on more responsibility, and suddenly confronting a hard truth:
Being in charge is mentally, emotionally, and physically harder than I ever imagined.
I'd been so focused on the external trappings of leadership that I didn't understand the internal challenges. That's when I found coaching and started rewriting my relationship with self-care.
What Self-Care Actually Means
Here's the definition that finally made sense to me:
Self-care builds your capacity and resilience for doing bigger things. Tending to yourself keeps you responsive rather than reactive.
It has three core components:
- Awareness Pay attention to what you're experiencing emotionally, mentally, and physically. Most people have a good handle on two out of three, so it’s important to figure out which one you're weak in and address it.
If you're disconnected from your physical self, try somatic support like craniosacral therapy or Reiki. If you're ignoring your emotions, that's what coaching helps with.
- Energy Management Forget time management. Track your energy instead.
- When do you feel energized during the day?
- What conversations drain you?
- What activities light you up?
Your energy levels are the canary in the coal mine. If you want to build a sustainable business, you need to know what depletes you and what fuels you. Otherwise, you'll burn out doing things that don't work.
- Care for All Versions of You This means being kind to:
- Past you
- Present you
- Future you
- Winning you and losing you
If one part of you is constantly criticizing another part, you're creating internal tension. That harsh self-talk isn't helpful feedback, it's putting the brakes on your growth.
The Moment It Clicked
Once I understood that self-care was about building capacity rather than indulging myself, everything changed.
Self-care shifted from "taking breaks" to "taking control." It gave me the agency to create my life, build what mattered, and show up intentionally.
Self-care became the foundation for doing bigger things in every area of my life: business, relationships, community, everything.
A Real Example: When Self-Concept Becomes the Bottleneck
I had a conversation with a client recently that perfectly illustrates this.
She wanted to double her revenue next year. As we talked through what that would require, I could hear the resistance in her voice. Not to the goal itself—she wanted it intellectually. But something was bothering her.
I looked at her and said: "I think what we need to talk about is your self-concept. What needs to be true for you to be the person who has the capacity to earn that much? To handle that much responsibility?"
The conversation shifted immediately.
It wasn't about numbers anymore. It was about who she needed to become.
How would she spend her time differently? How would she manage her energy differently? How would she care for herself differently?
She paused and then said, "I need to meet with you again next week. I think you just shifted my entire mindset about entrepreneurship."
That's the power of getting self-care right. When you increase your capacity, you unlock what you're actually capable of.
Your Turn
Here's what I want you to think about:
How would your life be different if you trusted yourself 100% to:
- Pay attention to what's working and what's not (awareness)
- Manage your energy well (prioritizing what fuels you)
- Be kind to all versions of yourself (compassion + accountability)
What would stop you from achieving what you want?
Take a walk and think about it, journal on it, talk it through with someone you trust. Figure out what self-care actually means for you, not what the ads tell you it should be.
Because when you're kind to yourself, it's much easier to take big risks and do big things.
And there's a future version of you and your business just waiting to emerge.
Ready to build a sustainable practice that supports the life you actually want?
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If you'd prefer one-on-one attention, reach out and schedule a meet and greet at www.amandasabicer.com. I'd be happy to show you how I work with clients and help you decide if I'd be a good fit to help you build the business of your dreams.
